Where An Idle Mind Meet Idle Hands

…and it’s ONLY monday?!

i think i’m gunna sit back and let the crap fall this week cause i fell like this is gunna be a very very long one.

however, i am pretty stoked for this weekend. san diego bound and can’t wait to have some fun outta town. but everybody’s workin for the weekend.

what has really torn me up lately is that life kinda forgot about me for awhile. life as in responsibilities… not breathing or sleeping, I’m far too fond of both to quit ‘em. and that’s not my gripe, i’m not sad that life forgot about me, i was fuckin ecstatic. hell i could do with being left alone by the needs of a “serious life” for the entirety of mine. sadly, life, the bitch of a mother that just wont relent, actually did for a little. the operative word being little. it was nice while it lasted, my face was damn near sugar-glazed-over from bliss and happiness. and i was nearly lucky enough for things to stay that way but unfortunately someone/thing shattered my meditation, ‘cause now the shit just wont quit. what that thing was, i’d love to know, i didn’t get the license # off that truck, the fucker fled the scene.

i was getting along fine, living life, going through motions, and being unaffected by damn near everything. haphazardly and most unfortunately, tension, angst, pain, LIFE has seemed to’ve found it’s way back to my reality. snapping back to it is worse than doing chinese algebra with a toothache and i can’t shake the awkward feeling that i may not find the meditation that was keeping me so happy and under life’s radar. whatever it was that suspended my life(and concurrently my face) like icing, I want it back.

me in “happy mode” was more like i was unstoppable, whatever i did, however i did it, i loved it. i felt like king of my own world, and now that i think about it, that may be why i was brought back to reality. you know, you can only be lifted for so long before you feel like you’re dropped from a thousand feet right on your ass. life checks ya and more often than not, wrecks ya too. it’s that whole mantra of “the lord giveth and the lord taketh away” but without the religious affiliation or priests playing grab ass. i guess that contemptuous feeling of being a king was what triggered it all. you can’t let life think she ain’t in control, now that’s just foolish. life has to know where you are and what you’re doin and make sure you’re doin it a certain way, otherwise, SMACK!, back to reality. life sounds a lot more like a hard ass pimp than a caring force looking out for us.

and i promise i would call a time-out if i could, but i may be all out of em, can someone just come save me from this? don’t worry though, i’ll have a plan while we’re on the lamb. we’ll start an eco-friendly self-sustaining island and only fly out to the mainland when we need supplies or to get away for a second, but for the most part we’ll party cook and fish with all our friends on this island and have nothing but each other and what we’ll cook next to care about. where-in we’ll be so rich that none of us will have credit cards let alone credit card debt with no need for cell phones, only walkie talkies, we’re on an island silly. i’ll be resident chef and soccer game organizer, you be the rad one who comes up with your own duties and tells me about em in such a way that may just rival my desire to actually enact this plan……which, defectively, now sounds like a shitty adaptation of the movie The Beach, without the cannabis, or a beautiful female french love interest… ahh, le SIGH

if i pay another bill it’ll be too soon…

shhhwwwwagga like us

out on a friday, who’d a thought. stories to come….

“Gangsta shit hereditary, got it from my dad
Flow colder than February with extraordinary swag”

i love my life?

i have a theory.

as great as i can be at my life, no matter how much i try, some aspect, small as it may be in my life, doesn’t work out. that is to say, i juggle just as we all juggle our lives. each of us have this errand and that appointment that ultimately make up the inevitable _{(and increasingly depreciating)} american dollar. and lets not forget the balancing act that is a steady relationship with friends, family, and significant others. for instance, say the amount of tasks in a life equal the number ten, as if they were on a list and there were ten things a day that you needed to kick ass at. each one you complete gets a big strike through and you collect up all these daily goal receipts and total em each month. you come to realize what you’re averaging a month and in order to reach that next level of achievement a certain amount of energy, effort, and fortitude have to be applied. ‘the force of ten’ if you will. i’m not sure what it is, but in my life it has been my experience that i’ve only been pushin’ nine or nine point five on that scale thus far.

so this is the theory. i can have my friends family at all times, they make up at least six of the ten it takes to get your daily life goals complete. it’s my career and my relationships that seem to switch places. if my career is great, my relationship (or lack thereof) is in the shitter, and visa versa.

i’m fuckin tired of it, i want to push ten, all day every day. i want everything on my list, titled ‘you’ll never see it, nosey cheeky bastard’, finished complete and done in a two hundred percent satisfactory manner.

and i know nine out of ten is still good, but if you want it all, you want it all.

so wtf man, i’m sick and tired of being alone

late nights devour my life

that’s all it seems to have been lately, and I don’t know why. I don’t even like the true blood series but I feel like a vampire. Staying up late doing nothing but self inflicted projects that spring into my mind is taking it’s toll. It’s not like I’m going out and racking up some huge bar tab and putting my liver in any danger, it’s just that I see an image or hear a song and something clicks in my head. Inspiration strikes and when it does, mannnn i can’t stop till it’s finished. Last night I was asleep by 7am…

I tried pretty hard tonight to go out to dinner, just anywhere, just to sit and enjoy company and new food. Turns out that can be a little difficult when people are picky about free time and I’m picky about people. Coffee tomorrow for sure tonight, I hope. But tonight I got no such luck with dinner plans. LA sucks ass and I hope one day I can say it sucked ass because by that point I’d be in another country far away from here. One day…